"On Saying Please" by A.G. Gardiner
About the Author
Alfred George Gardiner (1865–1946) was a British journalist, essayist, and social reformer who wrote under the pen name "Alpha of the Plough." He was known for his elegant, graceful, and humorous conversational style of writing. Through his essays, he taught basic truths of life in an easy and amusing manner.
Central Theme
The essay explores the necessity and importance of politeness, good manners, and common courtesy in everyday social life. Gardiner argues that while laws can control physical actions, they cannot enforce civility — yet courtesy is essential for a harmonious society.
All Scenes Explained in Sequence
Scene 1: The Angry Lift-Man Incident (The Opening Example)
Setting: A city office building with a lift (elevator).
What happens: A lift-man throws a passenger out of his lift because the passenger refused to say "please." The passenger simply said "Top" instead of "Top, please" when asking to be taken to the top floor. The lift-man felt deeply insulted — his self-respect was wounded. He would have been less hurt if someone had kicked him physically, because the pain of a wound to self-respect lasts far longer than physical pain.
Gardiner's analysis:
- The lift-man was fined by the law for physical assault.
- However, the law cannot punish the passenger for being rude or not saying "please."
- Bad manners and discourtesy are not legal offences.
- The law permits reasonable violence in self-defence (e.g., against a burglar), but it does not permit violence simply because someone was impolite.
- If violence were allowed for rudeness, "the gutters of the city would run with blood all day."
Key lesson: The law protects us from physical harm and material loss, but it cannot compel us to show good manners. There is no penalty for being haughty or boorish.
Scene 2: The Chain Reaction of Bad Manners (The "Infection" of Ill-Humour)
Gardiner explains how bad manners and bad tempers are infectious — they spread like a disease through society.
The chain reaction example:
1. A housemaid insults the cook.
2. The cook behaves rudely with the employer's wife.
3. The wife, unable to fire the cook, gets angry at her husband.
4. The nagged husband ignores his employee's morning greetings.
5. The employee, now tense, enters the lift in a bad mood and behaves rudely with the lift-man.
6. The lift-man pushes him out of the lift.
Gardiner famously states: "We infect the world with our ill-humours. Bad manners probably do more to poison the stream of the general life than all the crimes in the calendar."
Scene 3: The Literary Example from "The Rivals"
Gardiner cites a scene from Richard Brinsley Sheridan's play The Rivals to illustrate the same chain reaction:
- Sir Anthony Absolute bullies his son, Captain Absolute.
- Captain Absolute goes out and bullies his servant, Fag.
- Fag goes downstairs and kicks the page boy.
This shows how rudeness trickles down from superiors to subordinates — those who cannot retaliate against their superiors take out their frustration on those below them.
Scene 4: The Unfriendly Bus Conductors (General Scene)
Gardiner describes a common social scene: many bus conductors regard passengers as their natural enemies. They assume passengers want to cheat them. They try to control passengers with loud voices and aggressive manners. This creates a hostile, unpleasant atmosphere on the bus.
Scene 5: The Friendly, Good-Natured Bus Conductor (The Positive Example)
This is the central positive example in the essay — a stark contrast to the lift-man.
Incident 1 — Forgotten Wallet:
The author boards a bus and realizes he has forgotten his wallet at home and has no money for the fare. Normally, a conductor would look at such a passenger with anger, doubt, and hatred, assuming he is a cheat. But this particular conductor:
- Understood the situation with kindness
- Offered the writer a ticket for free
- Told him to relax and not worry
- Said they would meet again on that route
The writer was deeply impressed by this generosity and civility. Though he later found a shilling in his pocket to pay, the conductor's cheerful behavior left a lasting pleasant feeling.
Incident 2 — Trampled Toe:
On another occasion, the conductor accidentally stepped on the author's sensitive toe with his heavy shoes. He immediately and genuinely apologized. The author, because the conductor was so nice, bore the pain silently and even assured him that he hadn't been hurt.
Incident 3 — Helping the Blind:
The conductor would get out of the bus, asking the driver to wait, so he could take a blind man across the road or around the corner.
The conductor's character:
- He was like a son to the old
- A father to the children
- A friend to the young
- A helper to the handicapped
His politeness and helpful behavior touched everyone and made the atmosphere on his bus pleasant — like "fine weather." His charm could not be resisted, not even by unfriendly people.
Scene 6: Gardiner's Reflection on Wordsworth
Gardiner mentions how Wordsworth learned from humble lives (like the leech-gatherer in his poem). Similarly, Gardiner sees the need to learn from such modest, civil lives. Civility in behavior needs to be sustained in society — this alone makes us kind and tolerable to each other.
Scene 7: The Conclusion — The Aftermath of War
Gardiner concludes by observing that rudeness seemed to be the aftermath of war. He earnestly appeals to readers to bring back civility to social behavior.
He suggests that the best way to deal with rude people is to be excessively polite to them — this is the "sweetest revenge" because it either shames them or annoys them more than violence would. Good manners are contagious; if we are polite to others, they will be polite to us.
The Importance of Common Courtesy (Key Takeaways)
Aspect Explanation
Social lubricant Politeness keeps the social life of civilized man "well-oiled and friction-free."
Not legally enforceable The law cannot compel us to say "please" — courtesy is a moral, not legal, obligation.
More hurtful than physical abuse Impoliteness often wounds self-respect more deeply than physical pain.
Contagious nature Both good manners and bad manners spread — we infect others with our moods.
Prevents violence If everyone practiced politeness, conflicts and violence would reduce dramatically.
Creates positive atmosphere Like good weather uplifts the spirit, good-natured people bring positivity.
Moral victory Politeness in the face of rudeness gives spiritual victory and maintains one's dignity.
Small words, big impact "Please," "Thank you," and "Sorry" are small but magical words that ensure smooth cooperation.
Reciprocal effect When we are courteous, others respond in kind — it builds trust and friendly relationships.
Summary Table: Contrast Between the Two Main Examples
Lift-Man Bus Conductor
Lost his temper Remained calm and kind
Reacted with violence Responded with courtesy
Broke the law Acted morally upright
Lost his peace of mind Kept his peace of mind
Punished by law Earned respect and admiration
Took offence personally Rose above offence
Negative example Positive example
Conclusion
Gardiner's essay teaches us that politeness is not merely etiquette — it is a moral and social necessity. While laws maintain order, it is courtesy and good manners that create true social harmony. A simple "please" can prevent conflict, brighten someone's day, and make the world a more pleasant place to live in. As Gardiner shows through his vivid scenes, the choice between rudeness and courtesy determines whether we poison or purify the stream of social life.
